yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
