just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My feet surprised me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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