I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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