it wasn't lemon gatorade
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
