i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
