Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
