I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
