Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Randomize
