my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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