I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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