sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
