So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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