You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
