Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
