Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
