I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize