Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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