chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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