New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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