Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
