I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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