i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
