but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
