I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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