Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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