Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
