You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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