The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
