I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
