Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize