Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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