The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize