I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
