He told me they were just razor bumps!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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