Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
