i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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