you traded sex for a burrito?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
