she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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