I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
