Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
