if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
