is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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