Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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