I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
