this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
