I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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