Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
