I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
