I wish I only lived at night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
