I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
