pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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