My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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