you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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