We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
