You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
