Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
