I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
