just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
