Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
