I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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