Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize