do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
