You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
