There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize