Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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