I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
