Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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