woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
