i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im part way to drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
