i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
