There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
