I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
