My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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