i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
