i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
