We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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