The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
